I know I’m alright. I know.
I know what the rules are, I know how to play the game. I know.
And when you see me, you’ll know it. Because I can do that. I know I can. I know.
But the thing is, that isn’t really real, because it never is, is it?
Nobody ever said love was easy. There’s a lot of things they don’t tell you.
They don’t tell you how every time your phone lights up, your heart beats just a little bit faster and you let your guard down for just a moment, a moment quick enough to know how much you hope, against all hope that it’s him.
They don’t tell you the crushing disappointment you feel when you’re left hanging.
They don’t tell you how much just a few minutes of time spent is enough, and how every time you are scared to let go, because you scared it’ll all be a dream, or that it’ll all disappear the next day.
They don’t tell you that it doesn’t take a lot of time, that it’s the small things, like the way his hand fits in yours, the way he holds you close, or the way you feel safe and perfect in that moment. A moment you never want to leave…
They don’t tell you all those little details you remember, how that smell just seems to be everywhere, leaving your body aching and your mind boiling with feeling you just can’t confront.
They don’t tell you that sometimes, you don’t have a choice.
It’s all just too fast.
Because, no matter what, under that calm exterior, there’s a storm of confusion, doubt, and yes, truth. Truth that just can’t be faced right now. Truth that is scared to show its ugly head, that is scared of reality, that is dreading the day it must come out. It could possibly ruin everything. It’s so easy to push it away from your mind, and leave it all to the hands of tomorrow, but sooner or later, tomorrow is today. Then tomorrow becomes yesterday and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Next time you ask, how are you?
Ask. Just Ask.
There’s a lot we don’t tell each other. So I’ll look straight into your eyes and say:
I know I’m alright.
And so do you. Because that’s the lie we all want to hear.